Tom Skilling’s Storm System Frango Mints

No two of these giant, messy green peppermint blobs are shaped alike. Proceeds benefit Skilling’s secret fund, which he’s been building since 1973 juuuust in case Chicago ever gets hit by a hurricane.

Rahm Emanuel’s Finger Nub Arby’s French Dips

The fast-food chain sells two-thirds of a French dip at $6.99 a pop. Sales go to Emanuel’s charity, I Rock, which rehabilitates politicians suffering from chronic unpopularity.

Bill Murray’s Special Edition Jeppson’s Malört

The maker of the liquor only a local could love releases 10 new labels, each featuring an iconic Murray character. All money raised goes directly to Bill Murray, who’s only doing this because he knows Chicagoans will buy the shit out of it.