I was at work when the call came, though I wasn’t sure it was The Call at the time. All I knew was the kids were having a double-playdate in our apartment, the dog was going crazy, and Sarah was so miserable she wanted to send them all to Anchorage. I hopped in a cab immediately and made my way home... Read more

We don’t know and we don’t want to know until we see a penis or lack thereof. The act of not knowing, while exciting, also means that Sarah has to endure predictions from everyone who comes into contact with her... Read more

Hello, Week 35. I remember you. You are the week when I have to start tying the wife’s shoes because she can’t bend over... Read more

On Tuesday, someone robbed my seven-months-pregnant wife on Clark Street. No, there is not a special place in hell for People Who Steal From Pregnant Women, because there is no such thing as hell. But if there were, that special place would be in the same scorching, roach-infested neighborhood that houses... Read more

Here’s where I criticize a movie I haven’t seen. It’s called What to Expect When You’re Expecting; it stars Cameron Diaz, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Rock, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Brookyn Decker, and that guy from Glee; and after sitting through the smarmy, cliché-dripping trailer—twice—I wanted to punch every single one of them in the face... Read more